There’s No Room Like the Mail Room

We’ve seen many things pass through Hell, including your mail!
 
Oh yes, somehow a  few of you mortals figured out our mailing address, so from time to time, we get your junk mail. As much as we enjoy useless adverts for human objects, and the occasional political flyer, we’d much rather send out our own flame singed mail to you. Indeed we have quite the assortment of post cards from Hellmark (“We send the very worst.”) that will make their way from our brimstone cliffs to the address your little black heart desires. As a matter of fact, we can process any mail you wish to drop off with a singe to prove it went through Hell. Not only do the mail room Minions have an uncharacteristically cheery demeanor, but they will work their fingers, claws, or tentacles to the bone burning your snail mail to give it that special touch. So, dear readers, if you hold a grudge, have a grift, or are particularly angry with someone, our post office is here for you. However, we should mention that tampering with Hellion mail carries much steeper penalties than your flimsy Federal punishment!

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